Stop Comparing Sideways, Start Comparing Backward

Today’s Theme: The Comparison Game

Have you ever noticed how comparison affects you differently depending on where you aim it? Most of us learn that “comparison is the thief of joy,” but what if that’s only half the story? What if comparison can actually strengthen confidence and increase your momentum when it’s directed the right way?

In today’s newsletter, we’ll introduce two important distinctions: Sideways vs. backward comparison and relative vs. objective comparison. I’ll explain why the goal isn’t to eliminate comparison entirely, but rather how to use it in a way that serves your growth.

Oubaitori — Bloom At Your Own Pace

In Japan, there’s a concept known as oubaitori which describes how many things in life (including people) grow on different timelines. Oubaitori is inspired by four different trees that bloom each Spring: The cherry, plum, peach, and apricot. Even in the same season and the same environment, each one grows and flowers at its own pace.

They serve as a reminder that all of us develop at different speeds and it would be foolish to expect our development or success to match someone' else’s.

The problem is that most of us humans forget this. We get captivated by stories of “overnight success” or sudden breakthroughs and it becomes easy to interpret someone else’s rise as evidence we’re behind. Even when we’ve achieved things our past selves would be proud of, we can lose perspective the moment we look outward and measure our lives against the people around us.

This is how comparison starts to distort our reality. We compare our full, unfiltered journey to someone else’s edited highlight reel. We assume their rise was effortless. We overlook the parts of our own path (e.g. setbacks, learning curves, “invisible” growth) that would explain exactly why our pace looks the way it does.

Once comparison kicks in, we stop seeing what we’ve actually accomplished and start obsessing over how close we are to what we haven’t reached yet.

Sideways vs. Backward Comparison

I want to start by introducing two types of distinctions for comparison that shape our lives and how we see ourselves (and the world).

1. Backward Comparison vs. Sideways Comparison

• Backward comparison — Evaluates who you are now relative to who you used to be.

• Sideways comparison — Evaluates who you are now relative to the people around you.

2. Objective Comparison vs. Relative Comparison

• Objective comparison — Examines measureable progress and actual growth.

• Relative comparison — Looks at perceived progress and how you stack up next to someone else.

These pairs naturally align:

• Backward + Objective = Helpful, encouraging, evidence-based, confidence-building

• Sidways + Relative = Distorted, discouraging, incomplete, anxiety-producing

One of the most striking examples of comparison distortion comes from the Olympics. Silver medalists (objectively the second-best performers in the world) are often less happy than bronze medalists. Why? Because they get trapped by playing the relative and sideways comparison game. Their reference point becomes the gold medalist and they evaluate their performance based on what they almost achieved rather than what they actually did.

Katherine Grainger, one of the most accomplished rowers in history, described finishing second in 2008 as a “bereavement.” She said it felt like suffering a massive personal loss. A result that objectively represented world-class excellence felt devastating because she measured it against someone else’s outcome.

Bronze medalists, on the other hand, make a different comparison. Their reference point is fourth place and the difference between making the podium and missing it. In each of these instances, both athletes receive a medal and earn a spot on the podium, but their emotions move in opposite directions because they’re comparing themselves in different directions.

Sideways/relative comparison convinces you you’re behind, even when your objective progress is pointing the opposite direction.

Backward/objective comparison brings you back to what’s most important: The growth you’ve made, skills you’ve developed, the emotional resilience you’ve built, and the mistakes you no longer repeat. It reconnects you to the parts of your journey that actually show who you’re becoming, which is the ultimate form of motivation.

Just ask one of the greater wide receivers in NFL history, Davante Adams, who shared the following message on The Pivot podcast.

One Question to Help You Compare Better

For the next week, invite your athletes (or yourself) to answer this question at the end of each day.

Compared to the person I was yesterday, what did I do today that reflects my growth?

This simple practice challenges you to hunt your wins in not just the big moments, but the subtle ones you’d normally overlook. It’s an intentional way to use backward and objective comparison as a daily checkpoint for progress. Instead of letting your mind drift to who’s ahead or what you haven’t reached yet, you redirect your attention to what’s actually changing in you right now.

And over days and weeks, it builds a clearer, more accurate picture of who you’re becoming, not just how you’re performing relative to those around you.

Final Thoughts

Comparison isn’t the enemy, but misdirected comparison is.

When you compare today’s version of yourself to the one from six months ago, one year ago, or five years ago, you start to see evidence of development you would have otherwise ignored. That’s the version of the comparison game worth playing.

Let the person you were yesterday be the only standard that shapes who you’re becoming tomorrow.

Inspiration for This Piece

• https://www.sahilbloom.com/newsletter/the-japanese-philosophy-that-changed-my-life

• https://www.drlauriesantos.com/newsletter/the-odd-anguish-of-the-silver-medallist