I’m offering a free live webinar for coaches and leaders next Monday, May 11th at 4pm PST.

The webinar will explore the 3 Mistakes Every Coach Must Avoid to Build Elite Teams. Spots are limited to the first 200 registrants and we’ll include time for live Q&A.

On Friday, I had the opportunity to speak at and attend the Huddle Sports Medicine Conference hosted by Spooner. One of the things I always appreciate about events like this is getting to sit in the audience and learn from other speakers.

Some speakers have a way of making you feel like they understand exactly what’s going on in your world. They name things you’ve been navigating, put language to something you may not have fully articulated yet, and then give you something useful to take with you.

Author and motivational speaker, Jess Ekstrom, describes these presenters as lighthouses, rather than the opposite which she calls spotlights.

A spotlight draws attention to itself. It says, “Look at me.” It is concerned with its own visibility and how it is being perceived.

A lighthouse serves a different purpose. It is not there to be admired. It is there to guide. It offers direction, provides clarity, and helps people navigate what might otherwise feel uncertain, overwhelming, or hard to see.

I appreciate this distinction because I don’t think it just applies to public speaking. In leadership, we face the same choice every time we step into a room.

Whether it’s a locker room, a staff meeting, a practice, a one-on-one conversation, or a difficult moment with someone you lead, we are always operating from an orientation.

Sometimes, without even realizing it, we lead like a spotlight. We become overly focused on how we are being perceived.

Do I sound credible? Am I saying this the right way? Do they respect me? Do they like me? What are they thinking about me?

Other times, we lead like a lighthouse. We become more focused on what the people in front of us need.

What would help them right now? What truth needs to be said for them? What direction would help them move forward?

A spotlight is focused on being seen. A lighthouse is focused on helping others see the way forward.

Psychologists have long studied something called the spotlight effect, which is our tendency to overestimate how much other people are noticing us. We assume people are paying closer attention to our mistakes, awkwardness, tone, appearance, or imperfections than they usually are.

Interestingly, when the stakes go up, that tendency can become even stronger. The bigger the moment, the more we feel evaluated. The more we feel evaluated, the more likely we are to turn inward. And when we turn inward, leadership can slowly become less about serving the moment and more about managing our image.

We start over-explaining because we want to sound smart. We avoid hard conversations or truths because we don’t want to be disliked. We default to what feels safe instead of saying what is needed. We become more focused on sounding impressive than being useful.

The people you lead don’t need you to perform leadership. They need you to provide it.

They need someone who can pay attention to what the moment requires and respond accordingly (similar to the classic thermostat analogy).

That is why the lighthouse analogy is so valuable.

A spotlight asks, “How am I being seen?”

A lighthouse asks, “What do they need to see?”

The difference changes how you communicate, how you listen, how you give feedback, how you handle pressure, and how you show up when the room is tense, emotional, uncertain, or flat.

The best leaders are less concerned with being the main attraction and more committed to being useful and serving their people.

Before your next opportunity to lead, pause and ask yourself one simple question:

Am I walking in as a spotlight or a lighthouse?

That question can interrupt the pull toward self-protection and redirect your attention toward service. Then ask the more important follow-up:

What do they need from me right now?

Not, How do I want to be perceived? Not, How do I prove I have the answer? Not, What do I want them to think about me? But, What do they need from me right now?

That question forces you to read the room.

Sometimes your team needs energy. Sometimes they need calm. Sometimes they need encouragement. Sometimes they need honesty. Sometimes they need brevity. Sometimes they need perspective. Sometimes they need you to simplify the next step. Sometimes they need you to say less.

Texas A&M head football coach Mike Elko captured this idea really well when describing his job during emotional moments. He said, “My job is to be calm and collected when they’re frantic. My job is to create intensity when they’re not intense. My job is to always be opposite the moment.”

That’s lighthouse leadership.

You are not trying to leave people thinking, That was impressive.

You are trying to help them leave better than they walked in.

People can feel when you are trying to be seen and they can feel when you are trying to serve them.

Leadership is not about making yourself the focus of the room.

It is about helping the people in the room find clarity, direction, and the courage to move forward.

For those interested in checking out my podcast, you’ll find a compilation of my most recent episodes below.

Solo Episodes:

Guest Interviews: