Let Go to Grow

Today’s Theme: Let Go to Grow

One of the hardest things to do in life and leadership is release control. It’s especially difficult when things feel uncertain and the next opportunity isn’t guaranteed.

But in this tension there lies an important paradox: Growth doesn’t happen when we grip tighter to what’s familiar and comfortable. Growth happens when we let go and reach for the next bar, trusting that the leap is worth the fear.

This week’s story is inspired by a trapeze metaphor that invites us to possess the courage to release the old, embrace the scary void, and choose to commit to what’s next, even when it’s uncertain.

The Parable of the Trapeze

This metaphor is adapted from Danaan Parry’s powerful essay The Parable of the Trapeze, found in his book Warriors of the Heart.

Sometimes life feels like a series of trapeze swings.

You’re holding on to one bar (e.g. a familiar routine, your current role, a comfortable identity, etc.) that’s carried you this far in your life. It might not be perfect, but it’s known and comfortable. And so far, it’s served you well.

Then, out of the corner of your eye, you see a new bar swinging toward you. The new bar represents your invitation to grow and to evolve. It’s a new opportunity that could propel you closer to ultimately where you want to be and go.

But there’s a problem.

If you try to hold on to both bars at once, you’ll get stuck and lose all your momentum. You have to release the old before you can reach for the new.

The space between these two bars is the transition zone. It’s the space where you’re fully suspended, untethered, and vulnerable. In the void between bars, there’s no guarantee of safely catching the next bar and you may not have a safety net to catch you if you fall. It’s a stretch where the volume for our fear gets dialed up and uncertainty looms.

Letting go in that moment feels terrifying, but it’s often the only way forward. Letting go creates space for you to freely focus on what’s within your circle of influence.

You’ve probably heard the phrase: “Control what you can control.” It’s a staple in the mental game world (and for good reason), but what often gets missed is the second half of the phrase:

“Control what you can control… and surrender what you can’t control.”

While you can’t control the swing of the bar or the timing of the next opportunity, you can choose what you commit to in the present.

And commitment requires release. Not just of the bar, but of everything that pulls your focus away from the moment. This is the trapeze moment and it’s not just a metaphor for change, but a model for how high performers grow: By releasing control and choosing to commit.

Control is an Illusion, Commitment is a Choice

Here’s what makes the leap between bars so difficult: Your brain is wired to resist it.

Neuroscience tells us that unfamiliarity often registers in the brain the same way danger does. When you encounter something new or uncertain (e.g. a transition) your amygdala lights up. It sends signals that basically suggest: “This could hurt you. Be careful. Pull back.”

It’s not because you’re not ready. It’s not because you’re weak. It’s because your brain is doing what it’s wired to do: Protect you from what it doesn’t recognize and what’s unknown.

But this survival mechanism, while useful in physical danger, often becomes a barrier to growth. Because your brain doesn’t differentiate between actual threat and simple unfamiliarity. It labels both as risky. It treats “discomfort” the same way it treats “danger.”

This contributes to why surrender feels so unnatural. Surrender is about relinquishing control, which is difficult when we feel threatened.

Control isn’t the solution. Choice is the solution. Because while you can’t always control the moment, you can choose how you meet it. You can choose to perform and compete even with fear riding shotgun.

One of my favorite sound bites on surrender and relinquishing control comes from NFL star, Christian McCaffrey.

Helping Others Navigate the Void

Transitions are disorienting, but it’s also a space you can learn to navigate.

Here are three ways to help yourself (or those you lead) build the capacity to release, surrender, and commit.

1. Name the Bar You're Releasing

“What are you holding onto that’s no longer serving you?”

A lot of people grip tightly to what’s familiar and not because it’s right, but because it’s known. As leaders, you can help them identify what specific bar they’re still holding that has become more of a crutch than a performance aid. Sometimes we have to remind performers that what got them here might not be what gets them to where they want to.

2. Embrace Growth in the Void

“What if this fear isn’t a red light, but a signal you’re growing?”

Remember: Fear often isn’t about danger, it gets loud with unfamiliarity. That’s why the void between bars feels so overwhelming. Remind performers that this in-between space isn’t where they fall apart, but it’s where they form the next (and a better) version of themselves.

3. Replace Control with Commitment

“What’s one thing you can fully commit to right now (regardless of the outcome)?”

You can’t control the next bar’s speed, timing, or direction. But you can commit to your next move. Invite the person you’re coaching to shift their focus from worry about the outcome to a committed action.

Here’s a few bonus reflection questions that could be worth asking:

• What are you trying to control that you actually need to surrender?

• What might be possible if you gave yourself permission to let go?

• Where can I shift from fear to commitment (starting today)?

Final Thoughts:

Letting go isn’t easy. But if you never release the old bar, you’ll never reach the next one.

We grow not by avoiding the void, but by learning to trust it. So if you're in a transition right now know this: You are not lost. You are in flight.

The next bar is coming. But to catch it, you’ve got to let go.

Inspiration for This Piece:

• Parry, D. (2009). Warriors of the heart. BookSurge Publishing.

• Thomas, T. (2024). Confidence is overrated: Why courage is the antidote & feelings make cowards of us all. Independently Published.

The Threshold Lab Podcast:

This week on The Threshold Lab, I chatted with former Division I college football coach, Chris Petersen. Coach Petersen compiled a remarkable 147-38 career record and was the first-ever two-time recipient of the Paul “Bear” Bryant National Coach of the Year Award.

If you're new to the podcast, you'll also find shorter, bite-sized solo episodes throughout the week exploring mindset and performance principles. If you enjoy my conversation with Coach Petersen (or any of my other episodes), it would mean a lot for you to rate and review the show on whatever platform you use.

My hope is this show continues to expand and positively impact other coaches and leaders so your support will help immensely.

With gratitude,

ZB